05.26.06
When loneliness bites
Slowly he opened the door.
Picked up all the broken glass
Furniture on the floor.
It wasn’t long
Before it came again.
Her memories.
Her presence was writ everywhere.
Yet she was not there.
It was dark.
He lit up a candle.
The shadow on the wall
Seemed to mock him.
He saw her on the candle.
Dancing in the flame.
Hands outstretched, he longed for her
Only to get burned once again.
He saw her in the water
Filled up in the glass.
He picked it up.
Put it to his lips.
Not strangely,
The water was sweet…
Abhinav Agrawal
05.21.06
Multiples of me
So, how many of us experience an elongated phase of stagnated melancholy?
Well, I do and this phase engulfs my optimism gives rise to self-demeaning hours and forced emotions. Still tears don’t fall. I don’t know why is it so hard let go off the past somehow it keeps shooting grenades at you. Like that nightmare it keeps haunting you.
Her sleeping brain tosses n turns trying to muffle the endless ramblings. She lies there all clamped up tightening her grip on the black sheet wet with sweat. Her mind devastates her peace with flashes from the buried. All is grey and dark she struggles harder to look the other way. It coming on closer the black mass, all scared she jitters her body dying to wake up. Voices, just above her head tell her to stop trying as they have conquered. Who’s laughing with that deafening shrill make that baby stop crying. Do something is all her head says. But this tumult must go on and on.
For that moment this seems endless yet I know it ends because I have come out of this dark ditch several times. But why I need to go back?
The gnawing stillness of only me breathing in this room, of sleepless nights and empty eyes. And I wonder if this is depression but again I feel its just a state of mind. A forced one? I guess so.
Because I know the way out but maybe this time, I need open arms when I come out. Someone ready to embrace me , hold me and whisper in my ears you are mine.
But would I ever be able to trust the voice completely? Recently I have been having lot of discussion on Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD) and really I think it exist in all of us.We have multiple shades in our personality that our conditioned by the most important factor “situations”. How can you not ignore the present-scarred by past and with the burden of a future?
Can someone assure me I’ll have a better future? Not the roadside parrots, not the greedy palm readers. Just a premonition from the world beyond?
Well, to tell you the truth I have these visions and mystical voices that do tell me I am ready for good times. But I swear I am not thinking of Kingfisher beer at this moment
The wait for that island to arrive in this dead sea is self consuming. I hope I don’t lose it any further.
Cry as hard as I would
Tears shan’t fall
Smile’s never die
Yet feels so empty inside
Touch me and you shall
Leave me again
For I am all absorbing
Feeding on happiness
I shall cry out
Pretence and lies
And never would
Trust the good times
Mansi Raj Singh
05.20.06
Forelone rains
of the songs i heard when u slept
lying on ur chest
felt your breath play rythms
in my soul
your softness cushioned my tears
held me safe from the world
closer i came to you
more i forgot who i was
in you i saw my reflection
my existence finally had a reason
love me forever
for my eyes see only you
my mind lives within you
bless us oh lord!
for apart we are none
and together we are one
never before i did feel like this
rain drops fall on my face
like being kissed
cool sweetness
my love
where art thou?
my heart pines for you…
come back honey
you've been gone long
just one time come back
lets make our lives!
Mansi Raj Singh
ramblings on a lonely rainy evening….
The Other ego
The battle within my head ,
Prayers left unsaid ,
To god I cant talk ,
Till my death I should walk ,
Cause I’m a sinner ,
I’m a thief ,
And he wants me to weep ,
He takes me high when he takes me low ,
And plays with my ego .
He gives me hope ,
Yes he slips a few ,
When I wonder and feel blue ,
He lures and almost succeeds,
As he knows all my deeds,
He begs me to beg,
He pleads me to plead ,
‘Cause in this world of grass ,
I’m a weed ,
He takes me high ,
He’s too slow ,
Fiddling with my ego ,
Its been this way for quite a while,
I always though t it s just another mile ,
Just one more day ,
Just one more night ,
Cause I now,
And feel right ,
But now I feel after years of contemplation ,
My life has been nothing but an obligation ,
And now if there Is no recreation,
I was better off at hibernation ,
I look in shock when fools galore,
They , They disgust my ego ,
This ego of mine has another side,
Which from the world I hide,
It longs to live,
It yearns to thrive,
But under the circumstances it barely survives,
Just u wait n I will show
I will even kill god with my ego
Manish Joshi
This hour ends
I wish now, to caress your gentle smile with my own
To hold in my embrace, the warmth of your touch
To cry into your soft love, and seek within it, my own self
Or, perhaps, to just stand by your side,
Holding hands, and looking around
To see a perfect world mould, from ashes that once were
By accord of its own
As if the Lord above could see, and finally bless
This Love that He once did fear.
I open my eyes then
And look around to see,
The deep blue night, and its darkness imposed
Because the Moon above cares for me no more
Telling me, sardonically, with its profound absence
Of this wretched Hour that Time speaks of
And so, I cry silent tears
My love, I do yearn
But can live these moments no more
So through this night, through this Hour, wish to sleep, to escape
To rise tomorrow, for you
By your side
When I can
This sleepless night stirs
With visions of forever, and sounds of the restless around me,
I cover my eyes and pretend sleep
Only to be disturbed by the winged caresses of this wonderfully patterned moth
And awaken me, she did
Beckoning me to rise, and follow
Through dark passages that forever did surround, did she lead me
Guiding me through, her soft glow defiant against the night
Touch gently upon these walls, also, did the tender light of my friend
Blazing, ever so dimly
With reflections of all I have seen
In the night of this Hour
But the pain of the memories writ upon these walls, that flicker, even with my heart
Do fade away, subdued
By the grey lull reflected off the motherless night, that I, with awe, do see once again, as we step out, away from yesterday
And once again, am filled with hope
As I, spellbound, see my friend fly into the night, to become one with the eternal stars, to help soften this night
To help see, you, by my side…
Shravan Narula