Do you ever get this feeling that no one understands you. The real you, the you that hides deep inside you, that you, you yourself dread? I feel like that. Normally in a day to day life it doesn't show. Its only when I'm depressed, low and lonely that my alinenation
catches up with me.

I have a boyfriend. I know he loves me. I love him too. Maybe i expect too much from him.At times I feel he doesn't understand me. Then I feel he never will be able to. I'm his 4th girlfriend. He my 1st boyfriend. Maybe its the insecurity that kills me. The thought that he has been emotionally and physcially involved with someone before me. His 1st time blues are already over. Were way over before mine started showing signs of existence.

To me meeting him is very important. To him, its his work, work and work. I know hes not two timing me. I'm sure. But that somehow isn't good enough for me. I want him to feel the way I do. Is that expecting to much. Do I need him more than he does. I am an obligation which will soon be over. Did I take the wrong decision in going out with him?

I don't always feel like this you know. But when I do, its not a very nice feeling. I know he says he respects my feelings and a few morals that I have placed in front of him. But maybe respecting them is not enough. You also need to be able to relate to them. If he cant relate to my beliefs and I can't relate to him. I will only feel more alienated with him.

Maybe its all wrong. Maybe I think too much. But at the end of the day I can't help it. I don't know what the future hols for me. He lives too much in the future. I can't help but think that if the present isn't right, how will the future be?

Neha Malhotra