06.10.06
Lost in Love
Do you ever get this feeling that no one understands you. The real you, the you that hides deep inside you, that you, you yourself dread? I feel like that. Normally in a day to day life it doesn't show. Its only when I'm depressed, low and lonely that my alinenation
catches up with me.
I have a boyfriend. I know he loves me. I love him too. Maybe i expect too much from him.At times I feel he doesn't understand me. Then I feel he never will be able to. I'm his 4th girlfriend. He my 1st boyfriend. Maybe its the insecurity that kills me. The thought that he has been emotionally and physcially involved with someone before me. His 1st time blues are already over. Were way over before mine started showing signs of existence.
To me meeting him is very important. To him, its his work, work and work. I know hes not two timing me. I'm sure. But that somehow isn't good enough for me. I want him to feel the way I do. Is that expecting to much. Do I need him more than he does. I am an obligation which will soon be over. Did I take the wrong decision in going out with him?
I don't always feel like this you know. But when I do, its not a very nice feeling. I know he says he respects my feelings and a few morals that I have placed in front of him. But maybe respecting them is not enough. You also need to be able to relate to them. If he cant relate to my beliefs and I can't relate to him. I will only feel more alienated with him.
Maybe its all wrong. Maybe I think too much. But at the end of the day I can't help it. I don't know what the future hols for me. He lives too much in the future. I can't help but think that if the present isn't right, how will the future be?
Neha Malhotra
Grain Saint.. said,
June 10, 2006 at 3:00 pm
whew! that was some solid personal stuff! Looks like the insecurities translated themselves to words here in the midst of some serious cogitation on the lady’s part!
anyway, gud luck with the guy
Aadith said,
June 12, 2006 at 9:35 am
that was personal ,. and yes you do not knw me .. but i came across this and i just got over with a relationship like yours .. i was the same guy and i had a similar girl .. but the fact that you have understood both sides of the equation is a step in the right direction … from a guys perspective work is mostly if not always numero uno! … now work on it .. give some space .. a relationship is always about understanding .. cos the gifts and the passion fades after a while almost always .. keep hanging there!
Rajiv said,
June 18, 2006 at 3:17 pm
Well your write up touched my heart.
But tell you what ,the insecurity you feeling now is void only if ( I repeat) only if you people are in true love. Sit back and take deep breath and think …. is this a true love which will not fade in coming times… if yes then relax enjoy the life… if not get moving…….
Rajiv
rajeev said,
July 12, 2006 at 10:06 am
Dear neha
it was more than warm and sweet to read it. i feel you keep your heart full of deep emotions and mind– full of greater sensibilities to utilise it in your writing. i wish you all the best for your finer relationship with your boyfriend.may he loves you as deep as you do.
really, it was very good writing. keep gushing out all emotions in your creativity. take care.
sriram said,
July 13, 2006 at 10:32 am
Hey this is so very true. I have a girl friend and she thinks the same way. The only difference is im her 2nd boy friend. But you know what boys amy be insensitive but they have a very deep feeling for you girls. So don worry.
Surbhi said,
August 22, 2006 at 9:45 am
hey do u something… i think u hav written the feeling of all the gurls in ur write up…it is indeed a true n emotional setback that we gurls generally face whn we r in a relationship. i also sometimes feel tht d eelings th i hav…does he hav d same feelings for me even…
anyways wht i just say is tht (from my experience) tht our expectation from d other person shld b as less as possible (i kno it is difficult, yet for d happiness ina realtionshio this has to b done) bcoz it wont hurt then at d end of d day…
rest all d best of from end…wish u both stil stay 2gether happily 4 long time to comes
Neha said,
September 12, 2007 at 8:39 pm
Hi
I just wanted to say that you know there might just be some truth in the opposites attract theory. And you said it yourself you don’t always feel like this.Perhaps the problem lies within you and then the solution will be within yourself too. I would just like to say one thing that even though you are his 4th gf- it may not be that bad…you could be his last too..
Wishing you all the best.
Neha