I lay in hush with no one around,there's nothing much to hear….there's much more that I hear!! The holler of the mute grows louder and louder!! I try to be pithy but my thoughts go digressive!! I feel as if the world is a funny farm where everyone is dotty and I find myself pouting and in sulk. I hear chaos, I hear cry, I see the shadow of sigh, I feel as if my worlds gonna tear apart, if I don't do something!! A sudden flashback rolls and pang reels runs over once again…… The coach says,"You gotta earn ur place in the team,and not just hang around!!". My girl says,"what's wrong with ya ?Just sicker out of the shell and break free". My father says," You will take the family name to mud. Wish I was CHILDLESS!!". My mind rambles over endlessly as my mother comes in to tuck me in my snug. I lay helpless on my bed pondering in the dark about What could I do!!
Am I really wrong?
What is it that I cannot see and others can??
Am I really a 'sissy' as my people call me!!
Answer to all that was unknown to me…..So,I calm myself hoping for the things to get well on there own…..While there I was sucking my thumb AGAIN feeling as if I were back into mom's "matrice"!!!
The next day was even worse, I could sense it already…And that exactly is what it was… The day was one where I got a double whammy..My parents meet my coach & the other teachers…same disappointing speeches from my teachers and same "toneel" of self-portrayal as being helpless from my parents!! Yet again, I return back to the court thinking the consequence of not getting the sports scholarship (my only hope of getting a good colg. for my graduation!!), shattered yet gathering some determination to change it and dust up with myself to deliver!! Suddenly a screeching sound slicing all my thoughts comes from across the court and there it was…….the show time>>>>coach comes in and the practice begins…gawd knows where the aggression in me evanesce and again I failed to impress. The only advantage I could provide to my team was the personal faults scored against me.I knew things had to change soon if I needed the scholarship. And then, there comes the coach but this time with a tender voice he invites me to his cabin. I thought that it was end of me and i would drummed out of my dreams, but i was wrong. I went in with butterflies in my stomach and frog in my throat. Coach asked me to close the door and sit. There he revealed a packet of pills to which he reffered as 'MAGIC PILLS" extreamly potent and virtually undetectable. He said these would change everything. Out of desperation, thinking it as my last chance I quickly accepted the offering as a pig in a poke!!
THE NEXT DAY- Full of piss and vinegar
The next day was different. Instead of letting others paddling my canoe, I was in the drivers seat and it looked like the full monty had turned upside down!! In the court, I got promoted from being mid defensive to full offensive and I begin to reap those fruits that were forbidden for me earlier. As the days went by & sky was the limit for me no more!! I got full scholarship for my colg. Life couldnt be better!! Everyone loved me for the new changes in my personality.
People said that I have finally "arrived".But there was a weight on my chest, a burden that was getting heavier day by day, my dirty secret was yet to be revealed. The prospect that looked as an apple pie was now a pie in the sky!! That magic pill was also an addictive one too. An unresistable carving for the pills again and again drove me towards them!! And i know that I couldn't bail and fancy free myself from the addiction and that I was nothing without the pill.
Between the Devil and the deep blue sea
I was again on a double edged sword!! I had to choose between fame and total dismay!! On one side where my life could be ruined by drug abuse, on the other hand i could loose my much needed scholarship, my fame & pride, my new life and my basketball……..Everything is at stake!! Please help me decide before its too late……………

Amit Mago