I lay in hush with no one around,there's nothing much to hear….there's much more that I hear!! The holler of the mute grows louder and louder!! I try to be pithy but my thoughts go digressive!! I feel as if the world is a funny farm where everyone is dotty and I find myself pouting and in sulk. I hear chaos, I hear cry, I see the shadow of sigh, I feel as if my worlds gonna tear apart, if I don't do something!! A sudden flashback rolls and pang reels runs over once again…… The coach says,"You gotta earn ur place in the team,and not just hang around!!". My girl says,"what's wrong with ya ?Just sicker out of the shell and break free". My father says," You will take the family name to mud. Wish I was CHILDLESS!!". My mind rambles over endlessly as my mother comes in to tuck me in my snug. I lay helpless on my bed pondering in the dark about What could I do!!
Am I really wrong?
What is it that I cannot see and others can??
Am I really a 'sissy' as my people call me!!
Answer to all that was unknown to me…..So,I calm myself hoping for the things to get well on there own…..While there I was sucking my thumb AGAIN feeling as if I were back into mom's "matrice"!!!
The next day was even worse, I could sense it already…And that exactly is what it was… The day was one where I got a double whammy..My parents meet my coach & the other teachers…same disappointing speeches from my teachers and same "toneel" of self-portrayal as being helpless from my parents!! Yet again, I return back to the court thinking the consequence of not getting the sports scholarship (my only hope of getting a good colg. for my graduation!!), shattered yet gathering some determination to change it and dust up with myself to deliver!! Suddenly a screeching sound slicing all my thoughts comes from across the court and there it was…….the show time>>>>coach comes in and the practice begins…gawd knows where the aggression in me evanesce and again I failed to impress. The only advantage I could provide to my team was the personal faults scored against me.I knew things had to change soon if I needed the scholarship. And then, there comes the coach but this time with a tender voice he invites me to his cabin. I thought that it was end of me and i would drummed out of my dreams, but i was wrong. I went in with butterflies in my stomach and frog in my throat. Coach asked me to close the door and sit. There he revealed a packet of pills to which he reffered as 'MAGIC PILLS" extreamly potent and virtually undetectable. He said these would change everything. Out of desperation, thinking it as my last chance I quickly accepted the offering as a pig in a poke!!
THE NEXT DAY- Full of piss and vinegar
The next day was different. Instead of letting others paddling my canoe, I was in the drivers seat and it looked like the full monty had turned upside down!! In the court, I got promoted from being mid defensive to full offensive and I begin to reap those fruits that were forbidden for me earlier. As the days went by & sky was the limit for me no more!! I got full scholarship for my colg. Life couldnt be better!! Everyone loved me for the new changes in my personality.
People said that I have finally "arrived".But there was a weight on my chest, a burden that was getting heavier day by day, my dirty secret was yet to be revealed. The prospect that looked as an apple pie was now a pie in the sky!! That magic pill was also an addictive one too. An unresistable carving for the pills again and again drove me towards them!! And i know that I couldn't bail and fancy free myself from the addiction and that I was nothing without the pill.
Between the Devil and the deep blue sea
I was again on a double edged sword!! I had to choose between fame and total dismay!! On one side where my life could be ruined by drug abuse, on the other hand i could loose my much needed scholarship, my fame & pride, my new life and my basketball……..Everything is at stake!! Please help me decide before its too late……………

Amit Mago

Why is it so difficult for people to accept intellect? All my life I have been an underground thinker, too scared to come out in open. People react to an MBBS/BE/MBA with awe. Artists and the like are forced to re-think their line of careers. Now when I have reached the so-called marriageable age our extended family is buzzing with my choice as a journalist. They say it’s not paid well and would of their limited knowledge advice me to learn computers. And I just nod away politely at whatever they suggest. I wouldn’t even dare to tell them I am writer, I want to be a writer.

 Why can’t these long lost cousins and relatives keep their noses to themselves? And then comes the usual round of how I have gained weight or how my face has become too full of acne. Then my sweet relatives would hand me kaya skin clinic’s numbers, home remedies and what not!

 For a woman at 22, dealing with self-established passions over the whole family drama is quite demanding. Being a rebel I get my way in the end, but somehow this homely girl sentiments ruin the brat and I end up surrendering to my parent’s demands.

 And in the end I do everything abnormal and take them into confidence so they know I am a bit different. I wouldn’t do house chores, I would rather sit here type in words and follow my passion. Then again, my mother’s voice in the background keeps mumbling how I don’t do anything and just keep whiling away time on PC. I let these voices succumb under my own words which just flow on the white screen. I have experimented with what I can write. I have written utter nonsense at times, which I gladly refer to as my crap. I love intellectual crapping!

Letting go of broken relationships and a painful heart
Of senseless attachments and useless thoughts
I write to pay tribute to what a mess I was
The breakthrough I really love to talk about
The stagnated melancholy I came out of

It’s time be a little selfish, take credit, prove something, do the unexpected and most of all brave enough to follow passions.

Mansi Raj Singh

“Virginity is not dignity is a lack of opportunity”

How many times have you come across this phrase? And how many of you think its true?? In the times we live in, I am sure there would be a lot of people who feel this way. Guys, Girls, both.

A few years ago I remember asking my friend what do you call guys who haven’t had sex? Virgins? Strange but i always thought the word “virgin” was only used for girls. Its almost like guys are not even expected to be virgins.

So whats the big deal in having sex? Is there one? I don’t know too many guys (infact no one) who don’t intend to assert their sexuality. Please don’t get me wrong i’m not saying there aren’t any guys like that, just that i don’t know any. That however is not of any consequence as far as this piece is concerned. I only intend to talk from a girls point of view because I am one.

The society even today as a whole looks down on girls who are divorced, who have live-ins or who generally have a “slut” reputation. I don’t intend to get into the details of how a girls gets that sort of reputation and neither do i intend to justify or counter any part of it. I just want to tell what it is be a virgin by choice.

There are many girls out there who preserve their virginty for someone special. Some one who they think truly deserves them. Many of these girls get married to guys who they don’t love, (arrange marriages) who thy never can love. A few of them might even have been raped. Some thinking it is the right guy might have choosen the worst possible and some have no choice but to.

There really isn’t a big deal in having sex, the big deal however is in not having it. It is a matter of personalchoice, a choice that is never easy. A choice that is very rare. People who have sex just for the sake of it, people who have one night stands can and probably never will realise what it is, to wait for that special some one who they don’t know will or will not come.

Selina Arora

I hear voices calling your name
In silence I breathe in your domain
Doesn’t feel like you so far
Closed my eyes and there you are
Smiling at me you say I miss you
This connection is so divine
I seek you within my mind
I swim in your honey sweetness
Drinking the elixir
Dropping penny in wishing wells
Believing in mystique and signs
Soul mates doesn’t sound funny anymore
Linked we are together we remain
Not longing for touches and caresses
No thirst for kisses
Feeling you by my side
At all times all the while

Mansi Raj Singh

I was standing in front of Eiffel Tower, and wondered why there is so much hype about this ugly iron structure. I tried looking over it with more interest but still I was not able to convince myself why I chose to visit this mammoth looking like a TV tower…
“Let’s go to the top” my friend remarked, it was his second visit and mine first. So naturally I obeyed him.
There were two entries to go to the top, one was shorter and another we found a long queue. I had to cover Louver, Notre Dame and other places so without thinking much i pushed him for the shorter line.
“There must be some reason why people are not in this line” he said.
“We don’t have time, it’s already 2 clock”, and my mind moved back to what happened in the morning.. TGV got late and we lost three hours in France’s fastest train. It ruined my plans to visit whole Paris, now I was not ready to waste another one hour standing in a line…
Our number came… Surprise! Surprise! … My friend turned to me; he was not exactly angry but didn’t looked happy either…
“We have to walk, what do you think we should do now?”… it was a logical question considering we were pretty much tired already.
“Let’s walk then”, there was no point in cribbing now.

Next fifteen minutes we walked up the stairs, somewhere in the middle of first floor we stopped for a moment to catch our breath.
“I don’t think we will be able to do anything else after this…” he said.
“We will see…”, I knew there was truth in his statement but deep down I knew I may not get the second chance to come here, so I knew what I am going to do…
I was lost in my dreams when gust of chilling wind smacked us from the iron cages stairs; we were shaken for a moment and first time realized the height; we looked down…
What we saw was mesmerizing, we suddenly realized the height we had come to… down there cars looked like small toys and we were already able to see most of Paris…
“There is Notre Dame…” he showed me.
A huge beautiful building…one of the biggest churches in France…
“We are coming”, I said to myself.
So we started our journey again. After reaching the first floor we took our lunch in the restaurant; luckily I get the vegetarian pizza, which I found difficult to find in France.
We could now see the people crowded in the elevators; “Ok, we have walked enough, let’s use elevators now…” – he said, and I could not agree more, my legs were asking the same.
Much to our disappointment we found the wired partition between people using elevators and walking on foot… tickets were available only at the entry!
So now we had to take the decision, whether we go to the second floor which means we walk the same distance we had done so far… or we go back…
“Let’s go to the top” – I said and was not exactly surprised when he readily agreed.

A beautiful view awaited us… it was worth all the trouble, and we celebrated our adventure… he with a bottle of bear and me with a coke.
We took many photographs… and spent next fifteen minutes exploring the floor.

There were three levels in Eiffel, unfortunately stairs don’t go after second level, but we were satisfied what we had done.

It was already around 4 so we started for the ground, this time it was fast, we found our energy was replenished; we reached on the ground in just twenty minutes and felt our legs were still ok, we were not tired, and for a moment I wondered why? Is tiring just a state of mind?

So this ugly structure has it’s own charm… may be we wouldn’t have enjoyed if wouldn’t have walked it.

We walked till 12 in the night that day before traveling back to the Nova Tel, our hotel. But we made the day memorable… Eiffel was just the start… what we did next I won’t forget ever.
While we took train for our hotel, he brought my attention towards something I was just going to miss, Eiffel in night… I finally understood the reason of hype… the lights had made it shining like gold and the red laser light at the top looked like a ruby…

I took flight back to India next day and my friend went for a meeting with Nokia… It was another adventure, may be I will talk sometime later about it…

Two month later my friend resigned and joined a company in Germany. My perception had changed about him, before that I thought him a shrewd, selfish person…may be it was due to our professional differences.
Paris trip opened my eyes…I discovered a great friend who was caring and mature, who wanted to live the life to fullest; For me I had not only discovered the fashion centre of the world but something about myself… I found what I see is only perception, not what people are… In every person, a beautiful soul is hidden; I need not judge them in hurry, I just needed to be more aware, more open minded.

Ashish Jain